I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
