First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
