there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
