you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
