you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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