So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
