the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
