Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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