I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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