honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
