It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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