Do you still have your period?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
