Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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