I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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