i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
