fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
