i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I believe in your delicious
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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