I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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