That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Couch. On fire.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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