I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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