You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
