Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
