Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
