it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
