a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
