Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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