He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
