I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
