I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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