Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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