Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
