dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
