We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
