fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pants are for mortals
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
