I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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