i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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