I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
