he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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