I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
