I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
