I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
