I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
