Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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