if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it hurts more in the daytime
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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