Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The Olympian is in my bed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
