I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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