marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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