but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
