When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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