Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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