What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
