What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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