Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
