There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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