I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
