So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
