i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
