Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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