Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
