the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
