She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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