You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
