How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
