We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
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I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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