maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize