I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
