At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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