So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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