whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
