Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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