when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
