I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize