I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
