when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
