Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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