ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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