I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
