i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
