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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you want 1 or 2 eggos?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  What should our trivia night team be named?

  (925): View more from California

  Define Statutory

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.

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• (714): View more from California

  I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.

  (512): View more from Texas

  did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across

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