Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????