Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I only lived at night.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
