wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
