he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
