i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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