So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
