i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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